Resurrection

November 17, 2009 was a long-assed time ago. So was August 14, 2014, which was when I made my last blog post. Whoops.

I’m attempting to start blogging again regularly, so I figured I’d do a bit of a throwback/update to a list of “101 Facts About Me” that I wrote for an old (and very cringe-worthy) blog that is not this one. Some are still true. Some are very, very untrue. Let’s consider this a re-introduction to me and my life. 🙂

1. i hate seeing misspelled words and incorrect grammar. however, i refuse to use capital letters. i think they look ugly.
Poor spelling and grammar do still irritate me; However, I have overcome my aversion to capitalisation.

2. my daughter is my world, my reason for living, and my inspiration. she has taught me so much, and helped me to become the person i am today.
This is still 100% true. She is now eleven years old and an absolute gem.

3. i’m terrible at blogging. i usually make about 6 entries and give up. hopefully, this will last longer than that.
I feel like I have done better with this blog than with others, but still not as well as I would have liked. I’ve re-started this blog multiple times. I am hoping this will be the last “do-over.”

4. i love starting projects, although i’m not so good at finishing them. i recently started a project 365, and aim to watch 100 movies i haven’t seen before in 2010. i’ve achieved my goal of reading 30 books in 2009.
I succeeded with my 2009 Project 365 and my 100 movies in 2010. Since then, I have also done another Project 365, and a 365 Selfies challenge. I’m also 73% of the way through my goal of reading 30 books in 2017 – 22 down, 8 to go!

5. i’m terrified of spiders, insects, fire, drowning, getting old, getting fat, being alone and something terrible happening to those i love.
I am still terrified of spiders and tragedy striking those I love. I don’t LIKE insects, but they don’t freak me out anymore. As well, I am well aware of how problematic fat-phobia is, and am truthfully a bit ashamed at my blatant display of internalised misogyny.

6. my ideal career is to be a stay-at-home mom. i have honestly never wanted anything more.
I am currently in my ideal career – insurance. I have a supportive partner who is currently a stay-at-home parent, and I’m loving the stereotype reversal!

7. i often stay up way too late, doing nothing important only to find myself exhausted the next day.
I’ve been on vacation for the past two week, so while this is currently true, I’ll be back to my regular 10:30 pm bedtime the day after tomorrow.

8. i feel that fact #7 has greatly influenced my gross addiction to caffeine and energy drinks.
I rarely drink energy drinks or coffee anymore, and usually only have a single cup of tea in the morning.

9. my best friend is my boyfriend.
This is still true. However, the boyfriend in question is a different person, and is actually my fiancé.

10. i currently have six piercings – two lobe piercings in each ear, left tragus and right nostril. i have retired three nipple piercings, a navel piercing and a tongue piercing.
I got my navel re-pierced in 2011, and haven’t retired any others, so my piercing count is now up to seven.

11. i have four tattoos: kanjis for destiny and love, a family birthstone tattoo, and a domestic violence survior tattoo. i plan to get another for my daughter in the spring.
I now have ten tattoos: the aforementioned four, my daughter’s name in script, an anchor and spool tattoo for my grandparents, a rebel alliance starbird, an x-wing in a bottle, and a panda Ghostbuster in honour of a deceased friend.

12. i believe in love at first sight because i’ve experienced it. i believe in love at first conversation, too, because i’ve experienced it as well.
I don’t know that I believe in LOVE at first sight/conversation anymore, but I do believe in total attraction at first sight/conversation.

13. i hang on too long to things that shouldn’t matter as much as i feel they do.
I am working on this! Purging things and people that no longer fit my life and who I am is difficult, but so rewarding!

14. i can be kind of anti-social. i don’t get along well with many girls because i just can’t do the flakey, superficial bullshit.
The internalised misogyny in this statement makes me cringe. I am still fairly introverted, but this is just a facet of my personality. I have worked past the societal stereotypes that fueled my hatred of other women, and am now happy to say that I am easily able to get along with other women.

15. i can be quite shallow, though. appearances mean a lot to me.
This is still something I struggle with. I am better than I used to be, but I do still tend to make assumptions based on appearances.

16. i live my life in the paradox of being ridiculously cheap, but having a shopping problem.
I have finally learned to balance this. I still love to shop, but now it’s all about the deals. I can’t remember the last time I paid full price for, well, anything.

17. paganism has attracted me since the age of 8. i finally came to terms with who i am when i was 20.
I am not actively practicing right now, but I do still follow the basic tenets of Pagan spirituality and have developed a belief system that resonates with my soul.

18. i have survived more than most people can even fathom. it has made me stronger, though it has created a lot of mistrust in human beings.
I have survived so much more in the past seven years, and it has most definitely made me stronger. I am working on being able to trust others more easily. Although I have a long way to go, I am still very proud of my progress so far.

19. i honestly believe that people should need a license to procreate. there are far too many stupid, neglectful parents who can’t give up their own selfish pursuits long enough to raise their children to have morals, ethics and self-worth.
I struggle with this statement. I do still feel that there are a lot of parents who put their own wants and needs ahead of those of their children. With that said, I do know that there is not only one way to raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted children. While I do wish that more children had involved parents who put the child’s needs before their own, this statement reeks of judgment and I feel pretty crappy knowing that I put this out into the Universe.

20. i hated highschool, and would only ever do it over to tell the people who made my life a living hell  where to go.
Highschool was awful, but I did meet some amazing people who are still in my life. I wouldn’t want to re-live it, but it definitely has helped shape the person I have become.

21. pink is my favourite colour. if i’m given the choice of pink or another colour, no matter how heinous the shade, i will ALWAYS pick pink.
Ehh. Pink is still my favourite colour, but I’m past the point of picking heinous pinks just because they’re pink.

22. i take too many pictures and criticize my work excessively. i know i’m not the best, but i like to pretend.
I take fewer photos than I used to, and I don’t criticise them as much. Photography now is more for fun than for art, and I’m completely fine with that.

23. i used to think girls wearing sweatpants was the most unattractive thing ever. then i bought a couple pairs. now they’re not just pajamas… i even wear them in public.
I haven’t worn sweatpants in years. I do love my yoga pants, though!

24. as of late, i’m addicted to jodi picoult books. they always make me cry, but i just can’t put ’em down…
This is something I’ve grown out of. I still enjoy a good Jodi Picoult novel now and then, but my taste in literature has really changed over the past few years.

25. cinnamon scented candles are my favourite! they make a house smell so comfortable and homey!
I still love cinnamon candles. ❤

26. i’m disorganized, but clean. my house may have clutter, but there’s no dirt!
This has REALLY changed, mostly because my home is a whole lot bigger now. I’m hyper-organised, as well as being a clean freak.

27. i could while away an entire day on my laptop. literally.
TBH, I usually just use my phone now. But the internet is full of endless fascination.

28. i work in the office at a scrap metal recycling yard. it’s the most stressful aspect of my life… but it’s okay money and benefits, so i’d be stupid to leave. i’m sure it will one day give me ulcers, though.
I left the scrap yard in 2013 and it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself! Now I work in insurance, specialising in habiational and travel, and I love it!

29. i think 99% of tv is crap. i hate to see people mindlessly using it as a babysitter for their children, or as a source of entertainment.
Again with the judgment…. Past me was not very nice. 😦 There’s a lot of TV that is mindless, but people do deserve a little mind fluff once in awhile. I don’t agree with kids watching a whole lot of TV, but at the same time, it’s not my place to decide how much is “too much” for other people’s children.

30. i’m so liberal, i’m practically stalin’s neighbor. conservative beliefs often upset me, as most of them are based off of a religion that most of the world doesn’t follow, and therefore, should NOT impact the legality of anything.
I am still incredibly liberal when it comes to social issues. As far as governance… let’s just say I’m not a fan of capitalism.

31. i am extremely outspoken when it comes to politics, natural parenting, feminism, GLBTQ rights and domestic violence. i WILL tear your head off if need be. you have been warned.
I’ve found that you attract more flies with honey. I’m still outspoken about issues close to my heart (all of the above, plus animal rights/veganism), but I’m not nasty about it any more.

32. i am continually amazed at how stupid, selfish and inconsiderate the human race has become.
This one is still true. I try to love people despite this, but it can be hard at times.

33. i’m pro-marijuana and would love to see it legalised. i’ve seen (and experienced) its effects on chronic pain, and think it’s stupid to neglect to utilize such an amazing plant.
This is still true, as well, though Canada’s policies on such things have evolved greatly since 2009.


34. i love reading, and hope to instill that love in my daughter as well. we are currently reading the “little house” series by laura ingalls wilder.
Success – my daughter loves to read, too! She is currently making her way through the Harry Potter series, and adores anything scary.

35. i’m extremely picky about what goes into my daughter’s body. she got her first “junk food” (organic angel food cake) when she was two. she’s had chocolate milk once in her life. she’s never had pop. she loves vegetables and fruit! i try to buy organic and keep her away from commercial cleaning products. i also don’t vaccinate.
I’m a little more lax on junk food now, but I do still focus on healthy, whole, organic foods and natural cleaning products. And I still don’t vaccinate. I’m learning to be more upfront about discussing my reasoning behind the lack of vaccination so as to keep the peace with ardent vaxxers.

36. female singer/songwriters speak to me on so many levels. tori amos, liz phair, kate voegele, ani difranco… i love ’em.
I will never lose my love for amazing female musicians. Hell, this blog is named after a Patti Smith song.

37. i have a terrible habit of buying dvds and then never watching them. probably half of my collection has never been seen.
Netflix and CraveTV have rendered this habit obsolete. Thank gods for streaming!

38. i hate americanised spellings… ‘z’s where ‘s’s belong, dropping ‘u’s… it’s contributing to the stupidity of the masses.
I find it hilarious to see all the Americanised spellings that I didn’t notice in the original blog post. I do still stick to the Queen’s English, though.

39. i may sound cynical and negative… i prefer to think of it as having a low tolerance for bullshit and idiocy. i’m actually an extremely happy-go-lucky person.
Looking back… I *was* a cynical and negative person. I am definitely improving in this regard!

40. i’m ridiculously self-conscious and rarely feel attractive, or even less than ugly.
Thankfully, this has changed tremendously, and my self-confidence has greatly increased.

41. i can define every moment of my life, every emotion, every thought and every experience in song lyrics.
Music still plays a huge role in my day to day life.

42. i LOVE being canadian. i love maple leaves, hockey, gordon korman books, the tragically hip and saying ‘zed.’
I’ve more or less grown out of the Hip, but I do still love being Canadian!

43. i love diet coke. regular coke is too sweet. coke zero has a weird aftertaste. both pepsi and diet pepsi are too sweet AND have a funky aftertaste. diet coke is all that makes sense in the world.
This will never change.

44. i would love to have more children… but i don’t know when the time is going to be right. i’d love to have another little girl, for sure!
Funny enough, I DO have another little girl! She may not have been borne of my body, but I am pretty thrilled to be her Stepmama.

45. i count calories ridiculously, but it pays off. i’m smaller, healthier and in better shape than i’ve ever been AND i’ve had a kid…
It’s been a hard road, but I’ve learned not to restrict myself. I make healthy choices, and am able to indulge without going wild or feeling guilty. Going vegan has definitely helped improve my relationship with food!

46. i refuse to own a cellphone that isn’t pink, and hate when people think i’m a twinkie because of it.
I have a silver iPhone 6. My last phone was a white iPhone 4s. I don’t even have a pink phone case anymore.

47. i firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, no matter how shitty it is and how long it takes you to see the reason for it.
I’ve had a little more life experience since I originally wrote this, and I’ve come to realise that sometimes things just happen. Trying to see a “reason” behind everything is exhausting.

48. i don’t believe in regrets, only learning experiences.
I most definitely do believe in regrets. I don’t let them ruin my life, but they are there.

49. i don’t think that everyone deserves second chances, and it blows my mind that some people give them so freely and repeatedly to the same people, only to be hurt over and over again.
Pot, meet kettle. I have given so many undeserved second chances. It’s hard to see when you are the one doing it!

50. i worry excessively about EVERYTHING. it’s slowly getting better, but i still panic when people say they’ll call and don’t, or are late with no explanation, or hurt themselves, or hang up the phone/walk away/make me leave angry…
In 2013, I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Depression. Pretty sure this is just a symptom of mental illness.

51. i think snails are cute.
Still do!

52. pretty much any song i hear reminds me of someone, something or some random sequence of events.
Isn’t this more or less the same as Fact #41?

53. this isn’t what i imagined myself doing at 24, this isn’t where i thought i would be, who i would be or who i would be with… but i have never been happier.
If I had only known at 24 that the years ahead would be full of so much more joy and happiness…

54. it’s impossible for me to do housework without music on.
Accurate.

55. i curse like a sailor and have made truckers blush with my language.
I’ve been working on this. My default is no longer a constant stream of curse words, though I definitely am able to bust them out when need be.

56. i hate edward cullen with a passion. i’d fuck jacob black in a second, though.
Ah, Twilight. So 2009. Jacob Black wasn’t exactly a great guy, either, though Taylor Lautner is still a babe.

57. this one time when i was like 12 or 13, i was watching jumanji with my brother and for some reason, i ate an entire cabbage. raw. i shit you not.
I think I was really stretching for ‘facts’ at this point.

58. i’m extremely analytical and search for hidden meaning in everything, even when there is none.
Another symptom of mental illness masquerading as a personality quirk.

59. i would love to be on the amazing race!
I would still love to travel the world, but I do question whether some of the challenges on this show are culturally insensitive or appropriative.

60. i’m addicted to the badges on pogo.com… wednesday = badge day = don’t interrupt me! lol
I left Pogo back in 2009 with my Twilight books.

61. i’m completely a cat person. there are very few dogs i like.
I’m still adore cats, but am now evenly divided in my love. We adopted an APBT/Husky cross puppy in April 2016 and he is the best!

62. romance novels are a guilty pleasure. i feel stupid reading them, but they’re serious brain candy!
I can’t remember the last time I read a romance novel. I’ve taken to re-reading Anne Rice novels when I want something less mentally taxing.

63. my phone is always within arm’s reach. even when i’m sleeping.
Usually still true.

64. i’m a helluva good shot. i’ve never missed in the two years i’ve been shooting.
I haven’t been shooting since 2011, so I doubt my skill is still up to par.

65. i have an irrational fear of cops, although i’m a law-abiding citizen.
True. It saddens me to think how much more this fear would affect my life if I were not afforded my privileged place in society.

66. mike’s hard pink lemonade is amazinggg. whiskey is my first love, though.
I quit drinking on January 1st. I don’t miss it.

67. i feel most at peace in nature, near water. rivers, creeks, lakes, oceans… whatever. i love them all.
Forever true!

68. i’d love to travel the world. ireland, mexico, russia, kenya, australia, china, japan, brazil, chile, sweden, england… there’s pretty much nowhere i don’t want to see.
I haven’t crossed anywhere off my travel list in the past seven years, but I am planning a hike up the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu for my 40th birthday!

69. i’ve changed so much in the past three years that i doubt i’d even recognize myself. all changes have been for the better, though.
The change over the past seven has been even more intense, and exponentially more rewarding.

70. i think that jason mewes is the sexiest man on the planet… besides my boyfriend, of course!
He’s still a babe, but Ian Somerhalder has taken over as my number one.

71. i have a shelf full of books i haven’t read, yet i feel the need to always buy more.
I just weeded out a tonne of books, but I still have dozens I need to read!

72. i love the really twisted post secrets. they make me feel more normal.
I don’t think I’ve even read Post Secret since 2009. Is it still a thing?

73. i’m a carb addict. bread, pasta, chips, rice… i love ’em.
CARBS FOREVER ❤ ❤ ❤

74. my favourite holiday is beltaine.
I’d say Beltaine and Samhain are tied.

75. i often start to read a book or watch a movie, only to discover half way through that i’ve already read/seen it.
In 2009, I started keeping a list of all the books I read and the movies I watch. It cuts down on unintentional duplication, and allows me to use up some of my vast collection of notebooks.

76. kevin smith is a genius. every single one of his films has impacted me in some profound way that sounds really pathetic when explained… but really, they’ve changed my life.
Some of his newer films don’t impact me the same way (*cough*CopOut*cough*) but Silent Bob’s speech at the end of Chasing Amy will always hold a special place in my heart.

77. i’m either really hot or really cold 99% of the time.
Let’s be honest… I’m usually cold.

78. my boyfriend is three years younger than me, and friends with my litle brother… who actually was the one who set us up!
That guy and I broke up in 2011. I met the love of my life in July 2013, online. He’s a year and a half younger than me, and we bonded over our love of Star Wars. We moved in together in 2016, and got engaged at Emerald City Comic Con on March 3rd, 2017. We’ll be getting married on Star Wars Day – May 4th, 2018.

79. i can’t wait to buy my first house.
I bought my house in June 2013, and I still love it.

80. i have no credit cards. none. i’m debating getting one, but i’m afraid my severe shopping problem may cause financial problems.
I have one now, but I’ve managed to keep my spending under control and always pay off the balance. I have yet to pay interest on it.

81. every day i discover something new about myself. i’m learning to love the person i’m becoming.
This has never been more true than it is right now.

82. i’m very old-fashioned when it comes to relationships and the like. i don’t ask guys out. i don’t put out right away. and if YOU ask me out, be a man and pay for it!
Gender roles suck. Obviously, this is no longer applicable in any way, shape, or form.

83. i love skirts. they make me feel incredibly feminine.
I still love skirts. I’d say 90% of my workplace attire is skirts.

84. i have minimal tolerance for red meat. i love white meat and seafood, though!
I went vegetarian in May 2011 and vegan in June 2011, and haven’t looked back since!

85. i have weird issues with numbers. for example, i constantly keep track of how many pages i’ve read in my current book, and figure out the percentage of pages i’ve read so far. i do this every single time. or when i do my counts at work, it makes me angry if a larger denomination bill/coin works out to a lesser amount than a smaller bill/coin. like, if there’s $2 in dimes and only 75 cents worth of quarters.
Hahaha… this is weird, even for me. I don’t do this anymore.

86. i obsessively check my phone for texts when i’ve been away from it for a bit, even when i know i haven’t heard it ring.
Nah.

87. my toenails have been painted black constantly since grade 9.
They’ve been various shades of red for the past three years.

88. i love showering – i could stay in the shower indefinitely. however, i hate actually MAKING myself get into the shower, and leave it till the last possible moment.
Still accurate.

89. i love freaks & geeks and could watch it every day and never get bored. i can proudly say i crushed on james franco and seth rogan before they were popular, haha.
I still love Freaks & Geeks, but Jason Segal is my favourite.

90. i’ve kept a handwritten journal since i was nine. i love going back & re-reading old entries, even though they make me cringe.
I had a hard road with journalling after my partner moved in… I didn’t want to “seem like a teenage girl.” I gradually fell out of the habit, which I am a little sad about. I started bullet journalling in September 2016, though, and am starting to get a bit of my journal mojo back.

91. nothing pisses me off more than young moms who abandon their infant children to go out drinking every weekend. unfortunately, i know far too many people like that.
Again with the judgement, ugh. 2009 me was not a very nice person.

92. i’m pretty much a white trash redneck, and i’m pretty damn okay with that.
In 2009, I thought being white trash was pretty much the coolest thing in the world. I cringe when I recall this. Thank gods I have grown since then.

93. i love spicy foods, especially anything with jalapenos.
Spicy is still my favourite.

94. i moved out at 19, left an abusive fiancé at 21 and have been making it on my own with no help ever since. and yes, that DOES make me proud. how many single moms make it on their own without massive debt, or daddy footing the bills?
I definitely am proud of my accomplishments, but I don’t know why I felt the need to put others down…

95. you know that song “tequila makes her clothes fall off”? well, journey makes my clothes fall off. yes. journey. best baby-makin’ music of all time.
Journey still is the best sexy-time music ever, followed only by Slayer.

96. i’m addicted to cream soda. it’s so terribly bad for me, yet so incredibly tasty!
Cream soda is an occasional treat now, but not something I’d drink on a regular, or even semi-regular basis.

97. i had an ‘emergency’ c-section with my daughter and still haven’t quite gotten over it. i honestly feel that my doctor’s vacation (booked for the day after i was induced) may have played a part in my “need” for the aforementioned procedure.
I have made peace with the fact that my C-section gave my my daughter. It is still not what I wanted, and I do mourn the lost experience of natural childbirth, but I am no longer traumatised by my journey.

98. i can do most basic maintenance and swap out certain parts (oil filter, air filter, starter) on my vehicle… but i haven’t in almost two years. my boyfriend’s a mechanic, why the hell should i do it?!?
I do a lot of the maintenance on both my vehicle and my boyfriend’s vehicle now. It works for us.

99. i think rugby players are fucking HOT.
No argument there.

100. i have a terrible habit of cracking my knuckles, back, neck, hips, toes, and any other body part that feels like it needs it!
I still love the feeling of cracking my joints.

101. i will never apologize for who i am or what i have to say. don’t like it? tough shit.
I’m not as aggressive about it anymore, but I definitely will not apologise for being who I am.

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Friday Five – September 6, 2013

 This week’s Friday Five:

  1. What’s something you think you could have been good at, if you’d started at a young age?  Playing an instrument… I always wanted to learn, but have never found the time or dedication as an adult.
  2. What TV show’s theme song do you really like? Freaks And Geeks! How could you not, it’s Joan Jett!
  3. What’s the dumbest dare you ever took, or what’s the dumbest dare you witnessed someone taking? I ate a worm sandwich once… pretty freaking gross.
  4. What’s the most exotic thing you’ve eaten? See previous question… worm sandwich… barf city.
  5. What was the last thing you changed the batteries for? Wireless mouse

Six Years On

It’s been six years since I packed my things.
I promised to keep in touch
I swore I loved you
Told you I just needed a little space to remind myself
How good you were to me
And that once I had sorted out my shit
We’d be a family again.

Of all the lies I’ve ever told
That one stuck in my throat the hardest.
I knew I wasn’t coming back, and I think you knew it, too.
But you let me walk out without resistance
(which, knowing you, was remarkable)

I kept up the guise of working through our issues
Until I got a lawyer
And you finally figured out that I wasn’t coming back.
I’ve never been so scared.
The drive-bys, the phone calls, the thinly-veiled threats
Were almost worse than the bruises
At least, they were a lot less predictable.

Everyone seemed to think that since I was “free”
Everything was suddenly alright
My moral support vanished
I spent my nights alone, missing you
Though I knew I shouldn’t
And wishing it could have been some other way.

Looking back, I almost don’t recognise
The frightened young woman
Jumping at her own shadow and
Spooked at the smallest sound.

Six years have helped me ease some fears
Though the terror of losing our daughter remains
Threats etched in my memory are not easily erased.
But now
I don’t look over my shoulder constantly
Though I do still keep my doors locked
And I moved every three years so you couldn’t find me.
One day I hope to stop running
Settle down and really build my life
I’m putting down some roots and starting to blossom

But then a cold wind blows and I’m reminded
Of your chilly demeanour and soulless eyes
And no matter how much wood I put on the fire
I just can’t warm my bones.

© T. Kalau 2013

I Think I’m A Grown Up Now

It’s official : I’m in debt a quarter million dollars. Normally, being even $100 in debt would cause me to freak out. Not this time. Why?

I bought a house.

Yep, it’s official – I’m a homeowner. I take possession June 15th.

I’m a little scared, a lot excited, and really, really proud of myself.

It’s not every day that you see a single mom buy a house on her own, with no co-signer, before the age of 30. (Not to toot my own horn, but BEEP BEEP).

I never planned on this – I wanted to find a nice guy, get married, buy a house, have babies, and live happily ever after. I’ve finally reached the point where I am okay with having my baby and my house and living happily ever after on my own. It’s liberating to realise that everything about this house, this life… it’s all mine. No compromising. 100% how **I** want it.

I couldn’t be happier.

BUT.

Now I get to spend the next month packing and checking paint swatches and de-cluttering and cleaning and allllll that fun moving stuff. *groan*

Sanity Is A Full-Time Job

It finally happened. The Bad Religion concert/girls weekend I’ve been pumped for for months.

Bestie and I got up super-early Saturday morning. Coffee was a must.

We drove to the ferry and set sail away from beautiful Vancouver Island.

We got to Vancouver early, so we did some shopping, had lunch with friends and checked out the venue.

Then it was time to check into our hotel room. We had a beautiful suite on the 31st floor.

The view was amazing!!!

Pretty soon, it was time to go to the show. We saw all sorts of interesting places and sights along the way

When we got to the venue, we had to wait in line for quite awhile…

But getting a spot right at the front was worth it, especially with Polar Bear Club as an opener!

The Bronx was a band neither of us had heard of before, but they sounded fantastic.

Then it was time for Bad Religion and some serious moshing!

I may have gotten a few injuries.

Our view was just as pretty when we got home at 1am.

After a brief sleep, it was time for more coffee (with misspelled names),

some exploration of downtown,

and a fabulous vegan lunch!

Before we knew it, it was time to catch the ferry home.

All in all, it was a fantastic weekend!

50 Questions To Free Your Mind

Just before the new year, I decided to commit to a Day Zero project – a list of 101 goals to achieve in 1,001 days. One of those goals was to complete the 50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind. Since I’m making pretty decent progress so far (which will be addressed in a future blog post!), I figured I would take the time and get these taken care of today. 🙂

  1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? Twenty-five. Old enough to know better, but still young enough to not give a damn.
  2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? Never trying is worse. Failure is just failure. Never trying eliminates the possibility of success.
  3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? Sometimes we get caught up in what we’re “supposed” to think, “supposed” to do, “supposed” to feel… that we don’t make time for what really matters to us.
  4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? I hope not. At my current rate, though, probably.
  5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? Violence. Violence has begat more violence since the dawn of time. It’s an ongoing cycle and without society as a whole attempting to halt it, it is destined to continue.
  6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? Something that involved cooking, reading, writing, spending time with my daughter and enjoying nature. If anyone knows what job that is, please let me know.
  7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? When I started with this company, I was doing something I believed in. Now, I’m settling for what I am doing in order to keep my daughter’s life as it is.
  8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? I’d be retired and would be traveling the world right now. I’d say “I’m sorry” more often, and make sure I told everyone important I love them every day. I’d eat dessert after every meal, and take the time to do what I enjoy with those I love.
  9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? I go through periods where I am happy to let the current carry me, but for the most part, I have learned that I must be the master of my own ship. We cannot control our circumstances, but we must control how we react to them.
  10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? I’m a bit of a perfectionist, so I tend to worry about doing things right.
  11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do? I hate seeing friends criticised, especially when it is unjustified, so I would have to politely interject, let the involved parties know that I am friends with the subject of their criticism and request that the subject of conversation be changed.
  12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? Love yourself, your family, your friends, your enemies, strangers, nature… love everyone and everything with reckless abandon.
  13. Would you break the law to save a loved one? It would definitely depend on the circumstances. If it was to save them from unpleasant consequences (ie. Speeding ticket, arrest for shoplifting), I wouldn’t. To save someone’s life, or prevent serious injury or illness, I absolutely would.
  14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? I’ve always believed that beauty is created in madness, so insanity and creativity go hand in hand.
  15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? My approach to parenting is definitely not the status quo.
  16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? We all have different values. Some people value money more than I do, some people value their interpersonal relationships less. It’s all about priorities.
  17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back? I would love to travel extensively. Right now, financial obligations are the main thing holding me back, coupled with not being able to take my daughter with me, and not wanting to leave her behind.
  18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? There are things I would love to let go of, yes. However, I know that I will let go of them when I have healed enough, and the healing process must not be rushed.
  19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? I’d love to live somewhere hot, close to the ocean, and less technologically obsessed. My visit to Cuba 10 years ago was amazing, so let’s say Havana.
  20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? I only press the button once, because I don’t see the point in pressing it more than that.
  21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? I’d much rather be a joyful simpleton. There is so much beauty in the world, and one does not require intelligence to see it.
  22. Why are you, you? I am the sum of my experiences, coloured by my beliefs and limited by my own fears. No one else’s experiences, beliefs and fears will ever align perfectly with my own.
  23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? In the past, I have not. As I have matured, though, I have become the friend I wish to have.
  24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? Losing touch with a good friend nearby is much worse, because it feels like there is no barrier to contact except apathy.
  25. What are you most grateful for? I am most grateful for being blessed with a child who challenges my beliefs about life, encourages me to strive for better, helps me to grow stronger and more confident, and who loves with compassion beyond measure.
  26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? Memories, both old and new, are so precious, I don’t know that I could ever choose between the two.
  27. Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first? I think it is. For example, harming others is wrong. One doesn’t need to challenge that ideal to know it is true.
  28. Has your greatest fear ever come true? My greatest fear is losing my daughter… and, thank goodness, I have not had to deal with that.
  29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now? I don’t remember, and no, it’s not important now.
  30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special? I have so many happy memories of childhood: reading with my mom, playing games outside with my dad and brother, crafting with my grandma, building a treehouse with my grandpa. They all are special because they involve quality time with people I love.
  31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? Sitting in nature, listening to the world around me is what makes me feel the most passionate and alive.
  32. If not now, then when? When the time is right, I will know.
  33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? The only thing I have to lose is time and money… both of which I am in short supply of.
  34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever? Absolutely. There are souls that speak to mine, and I try to spend as much time as possible with those individuals.
  35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? Every religion wants to believe that it is the “right” one. If humanity could just accept others’ beliefs without prejudice, so much conflict could be avoided.
  36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? Nothing is ever truly black or white, so, no, it is not possible to know without a doubt what is good and what is evil.
  37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? No. Not immediately, anyway. Perhaps in a few years, when my investments had started to pay off.
  38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?  Right now I have so little free time that I would love to have less work to do!
  39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? It’s a typical Thursday at work, so I do definitely feel like I’ve lived today a few times!
  40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? I do this every day when I wake up to face a world with ideals so far from my own.
  41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? My daughter, my parents, my brother, my grandparents, my aunt, my uncle, four of my cousins and my best friend.
  42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? Not a chance. I look forward to being a kick-ass little old lady.
  43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? Being alive is existing. Truly living is making the most of every second of your life.
  44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? If I know it’s right, chances are I’m either doing it or taking steps to make it a reality.
  45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? I’m afraid to make mistakes because they can be embarrassing, painful and otherwise uncomfortable.
  46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? If I knew nobody would judge me, I’d be more honest. I wouldn’t hide my opinion when discussing life with coworkers. I’d take more risks. I’d be much more authentically me.
  47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? This morning, while meditating.
  48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? I love so many things, but above all, my daughter. I try to ensure that my actions every day show her exactly how much.
  49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that? The last few days haven’t been memorable at all, so I probably won’t remember without re-reading my journal.
  50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? I make my own decisions.

Friday Five – March 15, 2013

This week’s Friday Five:

  1. What’s the longest line you’ve ever stood in? When I was ten, we went to Disneyland shortly after the Indiana Jones ride opened. The line was about 2 hours, and then the ride broke down…
  2. When did you have the most fun waiting in line? October 4th, 2012 when I went to see Rise Against with one of my best girls! Best line ever.
  3. What line, no matter how long or short it is, always drives you crazy? The line at the post office. It always takes forever.
  4. When did you last behave in a manner that was over the line? I have a short fuse and an inappropriate sense of humour… so probably sometime this week.
  5. What are some lines of poetry you can recite from memory?

Okay, we didn’t work, and all
memories to tell you the truth aren’t good.
But sometimes there were good times.
Love was good. I loved your crooked sleep
beside me and never dreamed afraid.

There should be stars for great wars
like ours. There ought to be awards
and plenty of champagne for the survivors.