Falling

Falling in love is late nights and early morning. It’s long drives and sleepy eyes and going to work after three hours of sleep and hoping the boss doesn’t figure out you’re napping on company time. It’s that same experience, week after week, because you just can’t get enough time with him. Falling in love is a surge of joy when you realize that it’s his turn to make the ridiculous commute, followed by a twinge of guilt for reveling in that extra hour of sleep while he’s fighting traffic at 4am.

Falling in love is introducing him to your favourite TV show. It’s watching his reaction and hoping he finds it just as hilarious as you do, because being with someone who doesn’t find Chris O’Dowd endearing just isn’t an option. It’s listening to his favourite songs and trying to get a glimpse of what they say about him, even though, most of the time, they just sound good. It’s looking for pieces of who he is in everything he adores. Falling in love is realizing that a person’s preferences don’t usually tell you much about them at all.

Falling in love is creeping his ex on Facebook with your best friends and making them tell you how much prettier and smarter and less crazy you are. It’s pretending you don’t have any idea when he references the shitty things she did, even though you both know that social media has given you more detail than you could ever want. It’s secretly being thrilled when his friends “like” his newly announced relationship with you and hoping that his ex girlfriend sees it, even though she kind of terrifies you. Falling in love is being terrified to meet his daughter, his dad, and his friends but doing it anyway because you know it makes him happy.

Falling in love is getting lost in the moment and just looking at one another. It’s discovering the nuances and quirks of his soul while simultaneously memorizing every last freckle on his back. It’s cuddling close to him and falling asleep to the sound of his heartbeat. It’s softly kissing his cheek when he drifts off before you do and thanking the Universe for leading you to someone who makes your soul sing the way only he can.

Falling in love is waking up in the middle of the night and feeling his breath on the back of your neck and realizing that there is nothing more you want in the world than for this moment to be infinite.  It’s realizing that no matter how much you try to fight it, you’ve already fallen.

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