Time Stood Still

TRIGGER WARNING: DOMESTIC & SEXUAL VIOLENCE, RAPE

 

May 13, 2005
On a dingy bathroom floor in a house full of addicts, she waited. The test sat on the counter, scarce inches away, yet she couldn’t look. One… two… three minutes passed. It was now or never. Her hands shaking, she picked up her future, wrapped in a disguise of plastic and paper and urine. Positive. She closed her eyes, unsure if she was relieved or disappointed. Time stood still.

January 27, 2006
The hospital was crowded, as if everyone in a fifty mile radius had decided to give birth right then and there. A blur of lights and sleep and strange beeps and frantic calls and pain, oh the pain! She couldn’t quite remember how or why she had ended up in the operating room or why they wouldn’t let her hold her daughter right away or anything beyond the overwhelming agony that every second away from the child caused. A bundle was placed in her arms – The bluest eyes she’d ever seen, the blackest hair, the most perfect little mouth. The world melted away and she finally knew the meaning of her life.

July 15, 2006
She could smell the whiskey on his breath before he entered the room. Her heart beat faster as she clutched her baby closer. One foot out the window, easy does it, twist and turn and grab the ledge … – his hand wrapped around hers and in a single breath she was on the bedroom floor again. The baby bawled in his arms as he hurled accusation after accusation, stepping more firmly on her throat with every uttered syllable. Her life flashed before her eyes and in the moment before the stars became darkness, time stood still.

June 1, 2007
He stumbled in at 9am, drunk, though god knows he’d gone to work last night. She lay awake – eyes closed, breathing regular – hoping he’d think she was still asleep. Their daughter stirred; a heavenly coo from the cradle next to their bed. She jumped up to attend before his clumsy hands could reach the tiny being, but not before a slurred “Stunned cunt, let me sleep” escaped his lips as he collapsed into the pillows. When the darkness overcame him, she methodically packed her belongings and drove to the new apartment across town. Furniture would have to wait, but in that moment, her life started over.

December 17, 2011
The night was young, the music loud, the tequila flowing freely. Across the table, he winked and smiled and she had never felt so sexy. The bar closed, the after party started, and before she knew it, 3am had arrived and it was only the two of them awake. He kissed her, she kissed back, he reached up her skirt. She said no. He stopped. He tried again. The no became more urgent. He conceded and allowed her to drift into unconsciousness. She awoke long enough to kick him and roll over as he peeled her panties off, then returned to the nothingness she had been roused from. Seconds… minutes… ages later, her mind snapped out of the fog, feeling him inside her, momentum building, grunts of pleasure escaping his lips. Her body froze. Words caught in her throat. As he emptied himself into her, time stood still.

July 19, 2013
Eight hours of magic was coming to a close. She thought it was going well, but one could never quite tell with a first date. They placed a bet on the last bowling match – if he won, she had to say yes to a second date. She lost, albeit unintentionally, though she was far from disappointed at the prospect of more time in his company. He walked her to her car; she thanked him for a wonderful day. The sun was setting just behind him, a brilliant cascade of light gleaming over his left shoulder. He hugged her and she could feel the restless energy stirring within him. In a moment of impulsive desire, she pressed her lips to his and held on tightly as the rest of the world became irrelevant.

November 8, 2013
They lay in bed, her head on his chest, his arms protectively cocooning her. He kissed her goodnight, and just as he was dozing off, a timid whisper asked if he was still awake. Now alert, he asked her why. Seconds passed as she took a calming breath and responded with some off-pitch statement about needing to tell him something. With a hint of suspicion, he probed her intentions. Her heart beat faster as she attempted to gather her courage. “I love you,” she breathed, barely audible, as she buried her face in his neck. He gently lifted her chin, gazing into her eyes through the dark. “I love you,” he responded, kissing her tenderly as time stood still.

Friday Five – September 6, 2013

 This week’s Friday Five:

  1. What’s something you think you could have been good at, if you’d started at a young age?  Playing an instrument… I always wanted to learn, but have never found the time or dedication as an adult.
  2. What TV show’s theme song do you really like? Freaks And Geeks! How could you not, it’s Joan Jett!
  3. What’s the dumbest dare you ever took, or what’s the dumbest dare you witnessed someone taking? I ate a worm sandwich once… pretty freaking gross.
  4. What’s the most exotic thing you’ve eaten? See previous question… worm sandwich… barf city.
  5. What was the last thing you changed the batteries for? Wireless mouse

Friday Five – March 15, 2013

This week’s Friday Five:

  1. What’s the longest line you’ve ever stood in? When I was ten, we went to Disneyland shortly after the Indiana Jones ride opened. The line was about 2 hours, and then the ride broke down…
  2. When did you have the most fun waiting in line? October 4th, 2012 when I went to see Rise Against with one of my best girls! Best line ever.
  3. What line, no matter how long or short it is, always drives you crazy? The line at the post office. It always takes forever.
  4. When did you last behave in a manner that was over the line? I have a short fuse and an inappropriate sense of humour… so probably sometime this week.
  5. What are some lines of poetry you can recite from memory?

Okay, we didn’t work, and all
memories to tell you the truth aren’t good.
But sometimes there were good times.
Love was good. I loved your crooked sleep
beside me and never dreamed afraid.

There should be stars for great wars
like ours. There ought to be awards
and plenty of champagne for the survivors.

Friday Five – February 15th, 2013

This week’s Friday Five:

  1. How well do you receive criticism? Not very well at all. I tend to take criticism as a personal affront.
  2. When did someone else’s criticism of you result in growth? My mother is often very critical of my choices. She’s right about 75% of the time. A lot of her criticisms result in major personal growth.
  3. What do you think of film critics? My taste in movies is a lot different than other people’s, so I don’t put much stock in what critics say. When I do sit down to read a review, I’m usuallly disgusted by the sexism and body shaming (i.e. Rex Reed’s current shaming of Melissa McCarthy under the guise of critiquing “Identity Thief”)
  4. What’s something you’d like to make a critical statement about right now? The blatant disregard for company policy (and common sense) displayed by certain coworkers comes to mind…
  5. Who’s the most critical person you know? Probably me. I’m relentlessly critical of myself (and, often, others).

Friday Five – February 1st, 2013

This week’s Friday Five:

  1. What’s the oddest thing you’ve ever witnessed in a public restroom? A teenage couple making out…
  2. What’s the single most beautiful sight you’ve ever seen? My daughter, the first time I held her
  3. What random act of kindness (not perpetrated by you) have you recently witnessed? My daughter asked to have a toonie party for her birthday, where all the guests brought toonies for the SPCA in lieu of gifts.
  4. What are the best and worst tattoos you’ve ever seen in person? Best: My officemate has an ocean-themed half-sleeve that’s incredibly well done. Worst: He also has this weird screw thing on the other arm, which is poorly done.
  5. What’s the coolest act of daring you’ve ever seen in person? Nothing too exciting… dirtbikes at a monster truck rally, maybe?

Friday Five – January 25th, 2013

This week’s Friday Five :

  1. What’s the most surprising or unusual thing to be found in your wallet, purse, or backpack? Nothing really surprising… the most unusual (as in uncommon) would probably be a copy of my restraining order and custody order for kiddo.
  2. What’s the most surprising or unusual thing to be found on your computer’s hard drive? Over 4,000 individual music files. Not very surprising or unusual, but the rest is pretty boring and basic.
  3. What’s the most interesting thing hanging on your walls? Either the Tibetan prayer flags I bought a few summers ago, or a hand-painted canvas I made with a female symbol encompassing a globe and the words “The need for revolution is rising” (heck yes, Rise Against lyrics).
  4. What’s the most uncharacteristic thing in your fridge? Little jars of jelly we got awhile ago when we went for high tea at The Empress Hotel.
  5. What’s something you’ve done in the past year that you thought was going to be awful but turned out pretty good? Stepping outside my comfort zone on a continual basis.

Friday Five – November 30, 2012

This week’s Friday Five:

  1. What area of your life has lately (and pleasantly) been on cruise control? Work has been steady, uneventful and almost carefree for the past month.
  2. Where in your life should you probably hit the brakes? My emoti onal attachment to people could really use a little toning down.
  3. Where do you go when you just need a little tune-up? The beach. There is nothing more soothing than waves kissing the shore.
  4. How much junk have you got in the trunk? More than I’d like, but enough to be healthy.
  5. Where is the needle on your fuel gauge pointing today? It’s Friday, it’s payday, and I’m going to see one of my favourite bands tonight. I’m solidly on F.