The past week or so has been a nightmare.
Work is stressing me out, my darling daughter has developed a VERY grown-up attitude, and my partner doesn’t seem to feel the need to support me emotionally (by being there to listen), financially (guess who paid his half of the bills?) or physically (I just want a hug sometimes, darnit!).
I got home yesterday, only to see a little orange light lit up on the dashboard of my car. Low oil. Great. At least I remembered to pick some up last time I was at Hellmart. I open the hood of my car, reach for the oil cap (which the dipstick is stuck to) and… nothing. It won’t move in the slightest. I try again. Nothing. Again. Nothing. This continues for about 5-10 minutes, with me alternately pleading with the vehicle to “just puhleeeeeeze open up for me!” and kicking it, yelling obscenities. (Thankfully, darling daughter was in the house, chasing Kitty around.)
After 10 minutes of feeling like a weak fool, I finally broke down in tears. My hand was sore from trying, I was frustrated by my ineptitude, and I felt foolish for 1) not being able to open the freaking thing, and 2) for making such a racket over something so trivial. I sat down in front of my car, leaned against the old beast, and I cried. Not quietly, or ladylike, mind you, but full out whimpering sobs, complete with gushing tears and dripping snot. (Yes, I’m quite the supermodel when I cry!) I let go, and just let myself cry.
Wouldn’t you know, that was the best thing I’ve done all week.
After about 5 minutes of blubbering like a toddler who doesn’t get dessert, I stood up, brushed myself off, closed the hood and went inside. Nothing had been resolved, but I sure felt like a million dollars.
Today, I got a mechanic friend to take a look. He had to get his tools out to get the cap off, and then almost broke it in the process. It wasn’t just me being weak. I filled the oil up, and carried on.
The problem of low oil wasn’t solved right away, but the Universe gave me a beautiful gift in that moment of frustration. I got a chance to let go, to release, and to heal. Sometimes you just need to cry, baby.
So you can put your head on my shoulder, babe,
‘Cause I know you got some more tears to share,
Come on, let it go,
So come on, come on, come on, come on, come on,
Honey, cry, cry baby, cry baby, cry…