Some days, it’s just hard – hard to get up, hard to put a smile on, hard to do the day to day things that everyone takes for granted. Some days, I doubt everything that I am and everything that I do. Today is one of those days.
I feel unworthy. I feel like I’m not pretty enough, not funny enough, not smart enough… not anything enough. I feel needy and overly emotional and like I need a giant hug. Of course, for the next eleven hours, I’m sitting in an office full of people who really couldn’t care less how I feel, and then I have an hour and a half drive before I can even get a hug.
I don’t want to be that girl who always questions, and Jedi has given me no reason to doubt his sincerity. However, I just can’t shake this feeling that I’m not enough. I feel that everything in my life has more or less fallen into place and because I have done nothing to deserve it, it’s all going to blow up in my face. Logically, I know I’m being irrational, and that – Que sera, sera – whatever will be, will be. But I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m waiting for the bad news, the pain, the heartache… because that’s what I know.
I don’t want this to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I hate having so much negativity floating around me. But right now, I just want someone to tell me it’s all going to be okay.