Dear McFly

Dear McFly,

I know I said I was done with you and that I never wanted to speak to you again. Truthfully, that hasn’t changed. However, I believe in giving credit where credit is due, and, well, I kind of owe you.

You see, when we were together, you never gave me anything. Not a scrap of affection, an invitation to dinner, a suggestion to stay the night… nothing. Unless I asked, of course. I hated it. I felt like you should have known what I wanted, what any woman would want in my shoes. I was hurt that I had to ask to get a hug. I felt like a burden.

I was only half right.

True, you really didn’t give me what I needed, and frankly, you didn’t want to take me out in public for a reason. I’m still not happy about that. But, what you did give me was more valuable than I could have even imagined.

You taught me to ask for what I need, and to leave what I’d like up to chance.

So when I need Jedi to hold me, I ask him to. And when we both have an overnight babysitter, I’m not afraid to ask him if I can spend the night. Maybe it’s because he’s not such a self-centered jerk, but it seems that when I ask for the things I need, the things I’d like just fall into place.

You also taught me a valuable lesson about what I will and won’t stand for in a relationship.

In six months, you never once told people I was your girlfriend. You only wanted to hang out with me at home, away from where people could see us. You were ashamed of me, and I still am not quite sure why.

Thank you for that.

That might sound a little crazy, but hear me out. Thank you for making me realise that your issues with relationships extended far beyond anything I could have ever caused or solved during the course of our relationship. Thank you for showing me what it feels like to be a dirty little secret, and for making me acknowledge that I am worth so much more than that. Thank you for breaking my heart again and again and again. I would not have what I have now if I had not gone through the hell that was six months of dating you.

Thank you, McFly, for being the biggest douchebag I’ve ever met. And thank you, Universe, for bringing me my Jedi dream man, even if I did have to kiss some pretty big frogs first.

– T

Serendipity.

Have you ever met someone who understands the very essence of your soul without you having to explain? Someone whose life parallels yours in ways, both big and small, that create a shared history without actually having one.  Someone who gets your Star Wars jokes and doesn’t even blink when you visibly admire his “Han shot first” tattoo. In fact, he urges you to read the books, and opens your eyes to a whole new world of Imperial Grand Admirals and Dark Jedis. He tells you you’re amazing and, for the first time in a long time, you believe it. You can talk about music and movies and politics and religion without arguing, even though you may disagree. He’s the first to call out sexism, be it blatant or subtle, and listens to your experiences without judging or diminishing them. He tells you you’re beautiful and looks in your eyes and you end up breaking your own rule and kissing him first because you just can’t stop yourself. Then the two of you make out in a bowling alley parking lot like a couple of teenagers and don’t even care when actual teenagers start yelling at you to get a room. He puts a smile on your face every time you think of him, which means you have a perpetual grin because he just won’t get out of your head. Truthfully, you don’t want him to. When you can’t get out of town, he drives almost two hours, through construction and blazing sun just to see you, and when he tells you he’d drive twice as far without hesitation, you know it’s the truth. He gets a look in his eye when he sees you, like he hasn’t quite figured out what he’s done to deserve you. Frankly, you don’t quite understand it because you’re still grappling with what sort of good fortune has resulted in the perfect man being dropped right into your lap. He misses you after 10 minutes apart and isn’t afraid to tell you. In fact, you miss him after 10 minutes, too. When you haven’t heard from him in awhile, you check your phone, and as you’re putting in the passcode, you hear the ding that means he’s just texted you. He makes you believe in “there’s someone for everyone” and has you hoping that he is that someone. He makes you understand why it didn’t work out with anyone else, and makes you so thankful for everything that lead up to this amazing moment.

I don’t know if this is unique, or if this is how everyone feels. All I know is that I never, ever want to wake up.

Friday Five – July 5th, 2013

This week’s Friday Five:

 

  1. What song, album, or artist, disliked by you in high school, now sounds pretty good? I honestly can’t think of any. My musical taste has always been really eclectic, and hasn’t changed much.
  2. What specific high-school memory do you have of discovering some song, album, or artist you considered old? I grew up on “old” music… but the boy I was head over heels for in Grade 12 made me look at Led Zeppelin IV in a completely different manner.
  3. What song or album best serves as the soundtrack for your senior year of high school? (bonus challenge: answer this question with a different song or album for each year of high school!) Grade Eight: Americana – The Offspring      Grade Nine: Hello Nasty – The Beastie Boys      Grade Ten: Issues – KoRn      Grade Eleven: Selftitled – Slipknot       Grade Twelve: … And Out Come The Wolves – Rancid
  4. What’s a song, album, or artist from your high-school years you loved then (and might still love) but have great difficulty listening to now, and what’s the reason? “Stairway To Heaven” hits especially hard… the loss of first real love and memories of The One That Got Away are forever entangled in the lyrics of that song.
  5. What song, album, or artist from your high-school years, seemingly forgotten nowadays, do you still listen to with fondness? I’m not sure if No Use For A Name is considered “seemingly forgotten,” but “For Fiona” always makes my heart swell with happiness.