Wardrobe Wednesday – January 30th, 2013

Sweater – Garage
Skirt – 725
Tights – Leg Impressions
Shoes – Lower East Side
Necklace – Vintage

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Music Monday – January 28th, 2013

Dirty Water
– Real Friends

If you wore your personality on your skin
No one would take a second look
You were shallow when we met and you still are
The water won’t be coming down any time soon to change that
The loneliness keeps me warm at night
And that’s okay with me, I’d rather be alone in this bed made for two
Than listen to you and your judgement

Don’t act like you’re better than me
We’re both fools lost in this cold world
You may not fall as much as I do but if I look close enough
I can find the scars on your knees, I can find the bags under your eyes
That carry too much for you to handle

I’m starting to think that you’re the reason why everyone left
So stop pointing your finger
You don’t even really know me, not at all
You don’t even really know me

Don’t act like you’re better than me
We’re both fools lost in this cold world
You may not fall as much as I do but if I look close enough
I can find the scars on your knees, I can find the bags under your eyes
That carry too much for you to handle

I said I’m selfish, I’m a liar and I’m broken
Shit runs through my head everyday that I would never tell anyone

You’re just like me
The only difference is that I’m honest enough to scream my thoughts
In the lines of this song

R.W.K.

I began forgetting you slowly.

At first, it was tiny memories
That fell by the wayside:
The sound of you closing the bedroom door
Your bare feet padding across the lineoleum
The whispered “good night” as you wrapped yourself around me
And drifted into oblivion.

Next, I forgot how you looked in the morning,
Tousled hair and sleepy eyes,
That sexy, half-awake voice
And, yes, even your morning breath
(Which, truthfully, I was happy to not recall)

After the first few faded memories, forgetting picked up speed.

I forgot your favourite football team (Lions?)
And your favourite milkshake (strawberry? definitely strawberry)
I forgot the way you’d say my name
And the crinkle by your eyes when you really laughed.

I forgot the feeling of your arms around me
And the tickle of your breath against my cheek.
I forgot the butterflies you gave me
And the million sweet words
And the seventy-five unpleasant ones
(Because we did fight once or twice)

Slowly, you faded
Then all at once you were gone.

Now, although I know your eyes are blue,
I cannot recall their depth.
Though I know your lips are soft,
I have forgotten their touch.

And although I know I loved you
I cannot remember how
or when
or why.

© T. Kalau 2013

Friday Five – January 25th, 2013

This week’s Friday Five :

  1. What’s the most surprising or unusual thing to be found in your wallet, purse, or backpack? Nothing really surprising… the most unusual (as in uncommon) would probably be a copy of my restraining order and custody order for kiddo.
  2. What’s the most surprising or unusual thing to be found on your computer’s hard drive? Over 4,000 individual music files. Not very surprising or unusual, but the rest is pretty boring and basic.
  3. What’s the most interesting thing hanging on your walls? Either the Tibetan prayer flags I bought a few summers ago, or a hand-painted canvas I made with a female symbol encompassing a globe and the words “The need for revolution is rising” (heck yes, Rise Against lyrics).
  4. What’s the most uncharacteristic thing in your fridge? Little jars of jelly we got awhile ago when we went for high tea at The Empress Hotel.
  5. What’s something you’ve done in the past year that you thought was going to be awful but turned out pretty good? Stepping outside my comfort zone on a continual basis.

Clean Slate (Sort Of)

The last few months have been the beginning of a new journey for me. I’ve lived twenty-seven years trying to make people happy, make people like me, and make people value my opinion.

I’m done with that.

I’m not going to shout “FUCK THE WORLD” and dismiss all social conventions (let’s face it: that would be career suicide and I rather enjoy having a home, vehicle and fridge full of food…) but rather, I’m not going to make others happy at the expense of myself.

So that guy who thinks I’m “too rowdy” to hang out with after shows? Fuck him. Not worth my time.

That friend who is only ever interested in talking when she wants to talk about herself? Fuck her. Too much work.

That coworker who likes to pry into my personal life and spread rumours under the guise of being “interested in [my] life”? Fuck ’em. Asshole.

I’m not going to repress myself for the sole purpose of making myself more palatable to the masses. So, yes, that means I will drop my daughter off at her hoity-toity private school in ripped jeans and band t-shirts. Yes, I will colour my hair green if I feel like it. And no, I won’t apologise for offending you by wearing a “Meat is murder” tank top.

It only seems fitting to start over with a new name and new identity. L0vesaidno/”Some Kind of Wonderful” was pretty cutesy, and really fit in with where I was at that point in my life. Now, however, PunkyVeganMama sums me up a whole lot better. And “Chasing Rainbows”? Only one of the best 90’s punk songs ever.

All I want to do is make sure you stop chasing rainbows
Letting everybody crawl inside your heart and mine
Kicking you is easy when you’re down that’s where the weak go
To release their anger on someone who will not try
To stand up, and give them a fight

-No Use For A Name

There really is something to be said for expressing oneself authentically.

Friday Five – January 18th, 2013

I swear I’ll make a real blog entry one of these days… life is just crazy right now!

This week’s Friday Five:

  1. When did you last blow up a balloon? Last year, for my daughter’s  sixth birthday party.
  2. Whose house is especially well-designed for parties, and why? My BFF’s. It’s a rancher, so there are no tricky stairs, ample patio access and it’s perfect for mingling.
  3. If the party starts at seven, what time are you there? Shortly after 7. I’m usually early for everything, but I get really bad social anxiety if nobody else is there when I show up.
  4. Who brought the best thing to your last potluck? I can’t remember the last time I had/went to a potluck. Should probably change that soon.
  5. Now that the holidays are over, what (besides a birthday) might be the next thing you celebrate in the company of others? Imbolc, with Mama and daughter dearest.