It Just Didn't Work Out.

When a relationship ends, it’s easy to put the blame on the other person. “He didn’t give me enough attention.” “She nagged too much.” “Their lifestyle isn’t compatible with mine.” etc. It’s slightly childish, yes, but it feels great to have some drinks with friends and re-hash all your ex’s shortcomings.

In fact, this behaviour is more or less EXPECTED. We don’t  assume that someone going through such a painful process is going to be diplomatic, kind, or understanding. We assume that they will WANT to air their dirty laundry and ridicule their former partner for all his/her flaws, real or imagined.

Now, I recently split with my partner of three years. I’m deeply hurt, saddened, and, yes, a little angry, even though I was the one to break it off. However, I’ve decided to take a new approach.

I refuse to bad-mouth him.

I will not espouse his negative characteristics. I will not mock him. I will not make jests at his expense. I will not flaunt our breakup, nor share gory details, no matter how persuasive the other party may be.

I will take responsibility for my actions over the course of our relationship, and their effects upon said relationship. I will acknowledge that I am saddened by the loss of this partnership, and that, yes, I am grieving. I will offer no explanation other than “it just didn’t work out.”

 

It has been about a week since the official split, and people’s reactions to my approach are fascinating. Most are skeptical, thinking I’ll slip up at some point. Some are angry, because they have been denied amusement in the form of someone else’s pain. A few refuse to acknowledge it to my face, yet run their mouths behind my back. Very few seem to understand or accept it.

I, however, feel a sense of lightness. Taking the high road means that I will cause my ex no more pain or embarrassment than necessary, and facilitates a potential friendship down the road. Sure, it’s not quite as satisfying as a good old bitch session, but it’s sure a lot easier on the conscience.

The Beauty's In The Breakdown

The past week or so has been a nightmare.

Work is stressing me out, my darling daughter has developed a VERY grown-up attitude, and my partner doesn’t seem to feel the need to support me emotionally (by being there to listen), financially (guess who paid his half of the bills?) or physically (I just want a hug sometimes, darnit!).

I got home yesterday, only to see a little orange light lit up on the dashboard of my car. Low oil. Great. At least I remembered to pick some up last time I was at Hellmart. I open the hood of my car, reach for the oil cap (which the dipstick  is stuck to) and… nothing. It won’t move in the slightest. I try again. Nothing. Again. Nothing. This continues for about 5-10 minutes, with me alternately pleading with the vehicle to “just puhleeeeeeze open up for me!” and kicking it, yelling obscenities. (Thankfully, darling daughter was in the house, chasing Kitty around.)

After 10 minutes of feeling like a weak fool, I finally broke down in tears. My hand was sore from trying, I was frustrated by my ineptitude, and I felt foolish for 1) not being able to open the freaking thing, and 2) for making such a racket over something so trivial. I sat down in front of my car, leaned against the old beast, and I cried. Not quietly, or  ladylike, mind you, but full out whimpering sobs, complete with gushing tears and dripping snot. (Yes, I’m quite the supermodel when I cry!) I let go, and just let myself cry.

Wouldn’t you know, that was the best thing I’ve done all week.

After about 5 minutes of blubbering like a toddler who doesn’t get dessert, I stood up, brushed myself off, closed the hood and went inside. Nothing had been resolved, but I sure felt like a million dollars.

Today, I got a mechanic friend to take a look. He had to get his tools out to get the cap off, and then almost broke it in the process. It wasn’t just me being weak. I filled the oil up, and carried on.

 

The problem of low oil wasn’t solved right away, but the Universe gave me a beautiful gift in that moment of frustration. I got a chance to let go, to release, and to heal. Sometimes you just need to cry, baby.

 

So you can put your head on my shoulder, babe,
‘Cause I know you got some more tears to share,
Come on, let it go,
So come on, come on, come on, come on, come on,
Honey, cry, cry baby, cry baby, cry…

-Janis Joplin

Music Monday – March 7, 2011

Song #13

– The Ataris

The time has come to say goodbye
To all our past regrets. I’m sorry to inform you
But I doubt you’ll really ever understand.

Friendships aren’t built on false promises
I’ve failed without defeat.
In this game of disrespect
I’m a victim-a small town tragedy.

Here’s the difference between you and I
I’ll tell the truth and count my blessings
So thanks for all you’ve done
But I won’t let you get the best of me.

You think I’m just a kid but
You don’t fucking get it.
I’m strong in my convictions
And don’t you forget it.

So many things are left unsaid
But I won’t even waste my time
For us to go our separate ways
I hope you miss me when i’m gone.

Friendships aren’t built on false promises.
I’ve failed without defeat.
In this game of disrespect
I’m a victim of small town rivalry.

Farewell to all my friends
With self respect intact.
Nothing will last forever
Never looking back.

End is forever.

Little Moment #1 – These Boots Are Made For Walkin'

It’s funny to see how, sometimes, the smallest things can make a world of difference.

This week has been hellish. Work has been toxic, my childcare situation is up in the air, and money’s a little tight. I was not looking forward to working when I woke up (late, of course!) this morning.

Then, everything changed.

See, I bought a pair of boots a few weeks ago. I’d wanted a pair of cowboy-style boots for years, but never found any that were within my budget. During a random browse, I ran across THE boots. Oh, wait, what’s that, a clearance tag? Fantastic! Wait, $9? Really? Maybe I should peel that tag back a little and see what the original price is… $90? That was it. I was sold.

Unfortunately, with the wet weather lately, I hadn’t got a chance to try them out. Then, this morning, I noticed sun filtering in through the curtains. Fantastic – an opportunity to wear the boots!

Not only do they look amazing, but they FEEL amazing. My job requires me to be on my feet for the majority of my shift, and I feel like I’m wearing sneakers. They’re cute, they’re comfy, thy cost me next to nothing – what a mood boost!

Two Lips Boots, thank you for making my world a little brighter today.